Looking out for green flags (good qualities) and red flags (bad qualities) is a popular hobby in the dating world. It has become a way for people to share experiences and advice so that others can make better romantic choices for themselves. While not all red flags or green flags are really that, we do find that they can be helpful as a guide for whether or not you’re compatible with your date. Here are our top genuine green flags to look out for when you’ve just started dating.
Communication Before the First Date
First impressions often begin long before you actually meet. Although you're arranging to spend time with someone who is effectively a stranger, we always encourage people to extend the same thoughtfulness and courtesy they would to a friend.
Confirming the time and location, checking in the day before to make sure everything is still convenient, and perhaps sending a friendly message to say you're looking forward to meeting are all small gestures that can make a big difference.
Nobody wants to be left wondering whether a date is actually going ahead! Good communication in the lead-up helps both people feel comfortable, considered and excited about meeting. It's a simple green flag, but one that can tell you quite a lot about someone's reliability, manners and genuine interest.
Turning Up on Time
Sometimes the simplest of gestures are the biggest green flags. Yes, occasionally things happen that will genuinely prevent your date arriving on time but, in general, arriving when they say they will demonstrates respect for your time and an eagerness to see you.
Talking About An Ex
Some people think that any mention of an ex is a red flag….but we don’t agree! If your date has been in a long-term relationship, it’s likely that many of their stories or experiences were shared with a previous partner, so a mention here or there is natural. In fact, if they mention their ex a limited number of times and are either neutral or positive, we believe this can be a true green flag. Someone who has suffered hurt but can avoid badmouthing a previous relationship to a near-stranger has a level of emotional maturity that’s important for any successful future relationship.
Distractions Are Put Away
Few things make you feel more rejected on a date than someone who can’t stop looking at their phone. Whilst minimal use can be acceptable - it may be a safety issue - constant messaging or scrolling is bad manners. Someone who leaves the phone either in their bag or upside down on the table is demonstrating a real interest in getting to know you and spending meaningful time with you.
Questions and Answers
Early dating means getting to know someone, often a person who you’ve never met before, or know only vaguely. It’s a time that should include lots of questions as you learn more about one another. A green flag is someone who knows how to ask plenty of questions without it feeling like an interrogation: ones that spark a new train of conversation and open up opportunities for you to have longer discussions.
The answers to these questions matter too. If all you get in response to your questions are short, uninformative answers, then it can seem as though your date is either uninterested, or unwilling to share anything about themselves. Look out for people who are happy to share a bit about themselves or, if they’re not comfortable answering an occasional too-personal question, happy to say so.
Matching Values
Conversations during the early stages of a relationship can take you to all kinds of places. Some will cover the basics such as your childhood and your family, while others will delve further into things like your hopes and dreams for the future. Amongst all this, your values should be part of the conversation because matching values are a true green flag: they indicate compatibility and hint at a life that can be comfortably and happily shared.
Manners
Good manners can mean a lot, whether that’s acknowledging waiting staff, saying thank you if you buy them a drink, or holding the door for you. Someone who is polite is more likely to be aware and considerate of the people around them. It’s a simple, old-fashioned green flag, but we think it’s one of the best.
Boundaries Matter
If a date can’t or won’t respect your boundaries on the first date, then it’s unlikely to get better as your relationship continues. Everyone has different boundaries and, as long as you express them, your date should be able to respect them. They get bonus points if they’re not sure and they ask about it: that shows a lot of emotional maturity as well as respect.
Conclusion
There are a lot of green flags to look out for during early dating, some of which will be unique to you. It's important to take nerves into account, but in general, we believe that good communication, respect, consideration and attention are the key pillars for successful relationships. And these qualities should be evident from the moment you arrange that first date, not just when you meet face to face.
When you’re ready to look for your own green flags, find out more about our matchmaking services.
