Lonely at the Top: When Success Feels Isolating

Success can feel lonely, there is no doubt about it. True, there are a lot of benefits that come with a high-flying career: a comfortable lifestyle, respect, admiration, rewarding work… But with over 50% of CEOs reporting that they regularly feel lonely, it is clear that success in itself does not equal happiness.

What Causes Isolation and Loneliness in High-Flyers?

Work-Life Balance

It takes a lot of hard work, long hours, and real commitment to be successful in the workplace, and often that comes at the detriment of relationships with family and friends, as well as personal hobbies. Long hours in the office, late-finishes, lots of travel: all of these mean less time spent on personal relationships and on “down time”.

Think of it the other way around. If you were to spend the bare minimum of time on your career, and spend all your time with family and friends, you’d have great relationships, but pretty poor work prospects. So the same logic applies: when you don’t spend time on them, you can’t nurture successful relationships and hobbies.

And, even if you love your job, these external elements are an important part of feeling more fulfilled and less isolated.

Work Relationships

As a leader within your organisation, you have to closely restrict your relationships with your reports, which can prevent you from making the workplace friends that others might benefit from. As the person who has to make tough decisions and ensure the organisation is productive and successful, you have responsibilities that can make it tricky to keep on close friendly terms with your colleagues.

Whether these boundaries are set by you, or your colleagues feel less able to be casual with you, leadership positions definitely have blockers in the form of social norms.

Fewer Peers

Many of our friendships and relationships are built through shared experiences and interests. As you become more and more successful in your career, there are fewer people who will truly understand your experiences, and so fewer people you can confide in and share with. Less opportunity to let off steam and bounce ideas around with people who have a true appreciation of your role can undoubtedly lead to feelings of isolation.

All this can make the top positions isolating and, whilst you might not change your success for anything, there are ways to have it all.

How High-Performers Can Combat Loneliness

We are not here to tell you to give up your work or to reconsider what’s important in your life. We work with many people at the top of their careers, so we understand that this kind of success is as important as anything else. And there are plenty who have high-powered roles without experiencing endemic loneliness.

So let’s look at how you can reduce isolation without giving up a career that you love.

Quality, not Quantity

You don’t have to spend all your time with friends and family to build and maintain strong, fulfilling relationships. But it is important to look at how you spend that time with them. People who know and understand you will recognise that you have to take the occasional call during a holiday, but they may appreciate you ignoring the less important emails for a few hours.

It’s worthwhile speaking to those closest to you and finding out what’s most important to them and how they would like your relationship to look. Would they rather spend your time together doing something special, or would they just rather switch off and spend an evening at home chatting? Asking them to appreciate your needs (in terms of your career) requires some reciprocation of their needs for the relationship.

Peer Groups

While you won’t have as many peers as people in lower positions, there are still groups and networks out there with like-positioned people. Joining one of these groups can provide opportunities to exchange ideas and to openly discuss the pros and pitfalls of success, for example the Institute of Directors, Entrepreneurs’ Organization London, and Vistage peer advisory groups. These are great options to look into.

Casual Interactions are Important

While you might not feel able to build close relationships with colleagues, you can still have friendly exchanges with them. Positive social encounters are beneficial and can reduce loneliness, even if they are with people you barely know. Small talk is sometimes looked down on, but it’s actually an important part of reducing isolation. Just saying “hello” to someone, or asking how their weekend was (and showing genuine interest in their response) is a great way to start.

Recognise Success in Other Areas of Life

When we talk about success, we often mean career: a powerful position, enough earnings to live well, and so on. And we agree that this is important. But if you’re feeling lonely in your job, then try applying that same thinking to other aspects of your life. You have already achieved so much in your career (possibly with more to come), so how can you translate that success to your relationships or your hobbies?

Conclusion

Loneliness and isolation are common experiences for people who are highly-successful in their careers. Finding happiness within that success doesn’t mean having to give it up, but it may mean looking for some balance. Through relationships with friends and family, quality time spent on hobbies, and even casual daily interactions, you can continue reaching for the heights without experiencing the loneliness that often comes with it.