Navigating Blended Families: Tips for Finding Harmony in Later Life Relationships

What is a Blended Family?

A blended family is when two previously different families come together to create a new family. It generally happens when the parents (or sometimes grandparents) have been divorced or widowed and have found new partners. People in later-life relationships usually have children from a previous relationship who need to be carefully introduced and integrated in order to build a successful new family.

Navigating a blended family can come with all sorts of challenges, which will vary depending on the age of your children, their relationship with you and their other parent, and their personalities. Here are our tips for navigating a new blended family so that you and your new partner can enjoy a happy relationship with all the people you love.

Tips for a Successful Blended Family

Agree Boundaries, Expectations and Rules With Your Partner

Before even introducing each other to your respective families, it is important that you and your partner both know what you each expect. We don’t mean putting expectations on the wider family (we will come to that later), but rather about the expectations for one another. You need to be in agreement on how you are going to approach all sorts of situations. That way you can effectively have each other’s backs, navigate tricky situations, and strengthen your own relationship.

Introduce Everyone Carefully and Considerately

Introducing a new partner to a family is a key first step. Don’t spring an introduction, but take it slowly: talk about them first before introducing them in a low-pressure way. Then you can start introducing children to one another. This should all be done before any major commitments like a marriage or moving in together.

It is also important during this time to be considerate of everyone’s feelings. Emotions are tricky things, and reactions can sometimes be strong and unexpected. Allow families time to adjust and process this potentially huge life upheaval.

Show Interest and Ask Questions

Being a blended family means getting to know each other as a family would. Encourage everyone to ask questions and show genuine interest in each other. This will usually need to be led by yourself and your partner with each other’s children.

Don’t Force It: Allow Space and Time

Rushing and forcing people into a relationship they don’t want will never work. You can’t force someone to be happy for you or to like someone. Take it slowly and give children the time they need to come to terms with new people in their lives. If your children are all adults, you can likely take more time to do this - they won’t be forced to spend as much time with the other family if they don’t get on. However, if your children are all younger and still living at home, they will need to be given more time to adjust. Space and time can often do a much better job than anything else when it comes to blended families.

Spend Time Together

One of the best ways to get to know your new blended family, and to get used to one another, is to spend time together, both as a group and individually. The value of 1:1 time is often underestimated, but it can help build the strongest relationships.

Think about how you spend time together, too. You might feel the need to do something fun every time you are together, but that’s not a reflection of real life. Especially if you will be living in a house together, it’s important to spend time together doing everyday things, too, before you take that step.

Deal With Any Exes

If any exes are still in the picture, then you will - like it or not - have to deal with them too. If your relationship remains positive, then you likely have nothing to worry about, but if you split on bad terms, they could try and cause problems, or your own feelings could get in the way of creating a successful blended family.

Remember that an ex-partner to you is still a parent to your children, and so your feelings for that person could be very different. Make it a rule to avoid saying anything negative about your ex amongst the family, and ensure a civil relationship as far as possible. You don’t have to get on, but they are still an extended part of your new family.

Maintain and Build Family Traditions

“But we’ve always done it this way” can be a spanner in the works of any blended family. Change is hard, and changing much-loved family traditions can be harder. Where possible, maintain family traditions so that this transition is much gentler. Where traditions clash, discuss with the family how you might make both traditions work.

It’s also worthwhile building new traditions that are just yours. A yearly trip to a much-loved holiday spot, an annual event that you simply cannot miss, or a weekly movie night for everyone to enjoy together. Traditions can be a valuable glue that brings two families together.

Regularly Check in With Your Partner

Communication is the cornerstone of all relationships, and that applies when it comes to blended families too. You and your partner should regularly talk about this subject specifically. What’s good? What’s difficult? Does anything need to change? Checking in regularly ensures you can support each other (and your blended family) more effectively.

Blended Families: Final Words

Later-life relationships often mean two separate families coming together and, while creating a blended family can be hard, it can also be very rewarding and lead to lasting happiness. Challenges can vary depending on the age of your children, your relationship with them, and numerous other factors, but those are usually surmountable with lots of patience, care, and time. Support your partner, take things slowly, and allow everyone time to adjust, and you will be on your way to a new happy family.